Dr. Rita's Blog
Emotional Intelligence and feeling my emotions is hard for me.
Hard as it is, I've been trying to improve.
I have my "Permission to Feel" log on the corner of my desk. For the first few days I was pretty good about noting my feelings and logging my reactions.
Yesterday I found it under a pile of papers and realized I have not even thought about it in more than 10 days. Ooops!
Last night I decided I would make a concerted effort to pay attention to how I was feeling.
I applied the RULER approach recommended by Marc Brackett, PhD and author of the book Permission to Feel: The power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success.
Here’s what I did.
Recognize—I tried to focus on what I was feeling. Marc says our feelings are like a continuous river flowing through us. I knew I must be feeling something.
Understand—I was tired from the day and was watching TV.
Label—I knew I was feeling low energy and slightly uncomfortable. I landed on bored in the Mood Meter.
Express—Didn’t quite know how to do this, unless sitting slouched in my recliner counts.
Regulate—I ended up in the kitchen eating chips. I’m pretty sure this would qualify as an ineffective way to regulate my emotions.
Realizing I was feeling bored was helpful.
My next step is to figure out an effective way to regulate boredom, especially at the end of the day.
We live in a society that worships our logical, rational, thinking minds with very little awareness or training on managing our emotions.
Without the emotional awareness skills, our rational thinking gets hi-jacked pretty quickly. I know eating chips at night is not a good idea. But that emotion of boredom took over. In that moment, my rational thinking was nowhere to be found.
That's why I can’t wait for the start of our Emotional Intelligence "practice group" (no cost)! As you can see, I have skills that need building.
If you have experiences like this, come join us.
The Emotional Intelligence practice group kicks off on Friday, October 2
from 3-4 pm CST.
Men and women at all levels of emotional intelligence are welcome. You don’t need to read the book, although it is insightful. All you need is a willingness to learn and practice.
Reach out to me for the zoom link if you are interested in practicing with us. Rita@wiseleader.net
Until next time,
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