Dr. Rita's Blog
"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other."
-- Roger Bannister
This quote makes me think about how the process of coaching helps make life less difficult.
Here are a few examples:
Coaching helps build confidence. No matter how accomplished we are, any big change such as new leadership or a major new initiative that we've never done before will challenge our confidence.
It gets us out of our own heads. If we are a leader, we are smart and we know how to think. But when our thinking goes into overtime, it creates a hamster wheel in our minds that can tie us up in knots. We become more anxious and less effective than we need to be.
Coaching validates that what we're feeling is normal. When a coach listens in a calm, matter of fact way and says “This is very common” we can relax and climb back up out of our rabbit hole of distress.
It helps us take the time to think. A client I was recently working with said "You asked me questions that made me think, even when I didn't want to. This forced me to get to a point of view that was useful." The fast pace of change puts most of us on auto-pilot, and that prevents us from the thinking required to get to the heart of what matters.
I just love every part of being an executive coach! Being able to help my clients find easier ways to live and work and find more satisfaction in their lives.
To learn more about how one on one coaching or the Women Managers Leadership Development Cohort can help you feel more confident and less stressed reach out to me. I’d love to chat with you.
Or sign up for the next session beginning July 15 at www.WiseLeader.net.
I learned something new about confidence, that I want you to know about.
You know that confidence influences effective leadership.
We have confidence in leaders when we know they have confidence in themselves.
What I learned last week is how vulnerable our confidence can become when we take on stretch assignments in a new role.
When you get promoted due to your talent in your last role, your confidence is very high. In your new role, however, everything changes: you have more projects to manage, more direct reports to lead, and bigger strategic issues to deal with. In your new role, you inevitably run into challenges which put dings in your confidence.
You knew how to do your old role. Now, you start to doubt your abilities, to overuse your strengths to the point where they become weaknesses. The harder you strive, the more frustrated you end up.
Whether you are the person beginning a new role or the direct manager of someone taking on a new role, if your (or their) performance isn't what it used to be, ask yourself "Could this be a confidence issue?" And if it is, how do I get clear on the new definition of success and apply my key strengths and talents in just the right way to be successful.
Here is your first answer: Take the time to think and plan.
When you do, that confidence destroying overwhelm disappears and your confidence returns. Both you and your direct manager will be on your way to the successful outcomes you both envisioned.
Never underestimate the power and impact of your own confidence or the confidence of someone on your team who is struggling with the demands of a new role.
Lastly, having a supportive network you can tap into or a leadership coach you can call on is invaluable when it comes to keeping your confidence high.
How have you adapted to a new role? What have you done to boost your own confidence?
Now let me share some opportunities with you:
If you are a manager, check out the next Women Managers Cohort kicking off on April 15 at https://www.wiseleader.net/women-managers-cohort.html
Are you a woman executive at the VP or Director level? Check out the Executive Womens Change Leadership Roundtable. The 2021 membership year kicks off on April 22. Reach out to me directly for availability and an interview.
And if you a leader who would prefer one on one coaching, reach out to me about a variety of coaching programs that can be customized for your specific outcomes.
Speaking with woman managers, there is one thing I hear over and over.
They feel lonely.
It isn't that they lack friends or a social network. More that they feel isolated. There is so much more responsibility and they don't feel like they have anyone they can turn to.
Managing can be lonely. The buck now stops with you. Where do you go for advice or to bounce ideas around after a difficult week? Who are your mentors and sponsors?
Building a successful network is something you have to carefully cultivate. You can't just start asking your connections on LinkedIn. It takes time and conversation.
A pleasant surprise has been the stories I've heard from my Women Managers Cohort. They report over and over that they have found such a network in the Cohort itself. While it was never designed as a networking group, that may be the secret to what makes it work. The women find it's a safe space to ask questions. There is no judgement. They can share their expeirences and hear perspectives from other women in the same situations they are in.
I often hear quotes about the Women Managers Cohort like these:
"A female leader that participates in the cohort [has] the opportunity to build relationships with other like-minded women and [has] the opportunity to bounce off ideas, feelings and overall just build that connection." -- Erica
"Getting to meet other like-minded women and have a safe space to talk about our career goals. Building a good support system." -- Qamar
Our next Women Managers Cohort starts April 15th. If you would like to learn more about it and register, follow this link:
And if you have any questions about it, please email me and I'd be happy to find a time to speak with you about it and answer any questions you may have.
Last week I had the pleasure of hosting an Executive Panel for the Q1 Women Managers Cohort.
As I took notes, there was golden nugget upon golden nugget.
One of my favorites, for those of us who run into fear and anxiety from time to time, is from Erin Rapallini: Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.
The panel participants, all experienced executives, shared with vulnerability and candor, both the successes they enjoyed and the challenges they overcame from the beginning of their careers to where they are today. Here are some highlights and good reminders:
Go after what you want
The Women Managers Leadership Development Cohort is a uniquely powerful opportunity to learn and grow with amazing women facing similar challenges on their way to the next steps in their career.
Join us for the Q2 Cohort kicking off on April 15. Seats are filling fast. Follow the link to register below.(And there is a discount if three or more women from your organization sign up together):
Email me today to enroll so you can also attend our next executive women's panel in June.
As Q2 rises on the horizon, how is your 2021 so far?
Are you on track to reach your goals? Do you know what steps to take to advance your career this year?
With the world continuing to be uncertain, I expect you are still having some bumps in the road. Maybe you could use a confidence boost?
Related to that, I want you to circle April 15th on the calendar. That's when you'll have an opportunity to really take control over your career. That's when the next session of the Womens Leadership Development Cohort begins.
When you join the Cohort, you're going to receive:
Best of all, you aren't alone on this journey. I'm sharing my 20+ years of experience coaching women leaders and you're in the room with other motivated positive strong women leaders looking for the same results you are.
The Q2 Cohort kicks off on April 15th. To register and learn more follow this link:
I look forward to seeing YOU on April 15th!
If you have questions or want to talk further, reach out. I'm happy to chat with you.
I was facilitating a book club conversation recently for the Womens Health Leadership Trust. We were discussing key messages from Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In.
One of the themes was careers are jungle gyms, not ladders.
The point being that we all make twists and turns on our way to a career we enjoy. Even when we “make it” to the position we’ve dreamed of, we continue to look for that next step.
At some point you’ll be asking yourself questions like:
“What’s my next step?”
“What do I want now?”
“Is it time to pivot?
When you ask yourself those questions, the most important thing to remember is that you get to decide. There’s no right way to do your career. You will be happiest when you do your career YOUR way.
Don’t wait to be tapped on the shoulder or for someone to ask you to take on a next step role.
This story from a woman at the Book Club broke my heart:
The executives at her company were making a decision about who to hire for a significant next level role. When the woman asked why they were not considering a talented woman in the organization, their response was “She didn’t ask.”
If you’re wondering what’s next in your career or there’s a woman on your team who you see has leadership potential, sign up for the next Women Managers Leadership Development Cohort.
The entire focus of the Cohort is on getting ready for the next step in your career.
We talk about how to build confidence, control the direction of your career, develop leadership presence and navigate work life balance. You’ll also end up with a network of women to learn with and grow together.
I’m a firm believer that learning is more fun and effective when you’re not doing it alone.
Registration is now open! The Q2 cohort kicks off on April 15.
For more information and to register reach out to Rita@WiseLeader.net, and go online to https://www.wiseleader.net/women-managers-cohort.html
I hope to see you on April 15!
Are you listening to what you say to yourself?
What you say to yourself when no one’s around matters.
This internal chatter has a big impact on your confidence, even if you are aren't actively listening to it.
When you take on a new role or project, your initial excitement and confidence are reflected in the positive nature of your self talk.
But what happens when you run into unexpected challenges?
Maybe the project is taking longer than you thought it would, or there aren't as many resources as you were promised, or your best team member left for a new job.
The chatter in your head starts to say things to you like: “You never should have taken on this project in the first place.” “You are in over your head now!” “Your reputation is going to take a big hit if you don’t figure this out soon.“
Unfortunately, confidence is usually built on accomplishment, getting things done and achieving big and small goals. When challenges set in, accomplishments and achieving goals aren’t happening.
What to do?
First be aware of what’s going on.
We talk about this in Session 4 of the Women Managers Leadership Cohort. And remind ourselves that confidence is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities and qualities.”
When challenges occur, which they almost always will, our sense of accomplishment gets threatened. And when that happens, negative self-talk kicks in fast and furious.
I love the quote from Lisa M. Hayes: Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.
This is when talking to yourself kindly and with encouragement matters.
Taking time (especially when you’re sure you don’t have the time!) to reflect and think is imperative. Being curious and asking yourself questions will help you sort things out and set priorities.
Take a look at what’s happening in your environment that’s not supporting you. It could be a toxic boss or colleague or push back from a work group, etc. Then, make a conscious decision to sort out what you have control over and what is out of your control. Only spend energy on what you can control.
Take good care of yourself. Make it a top priority. Eating well, getting good sleep, walking in nature will help you bring the best of yourself to the table. Besides, if you don’t take good care of you, who will?
Most of all DON’T assume you are not good enough or that you did something wrong. And don’t let the chatter in your head become nasty and negative!
Want to learn more about confidence, self-talk and tools that help?
Enroll in the Q2 Womens Leadership Cohort that kicks off on April 15. It’s a great group of up and coming women managers committed to learning and growing together.
More info and to enroll
Would love to see you there!
I’m thrilled to announce a curriculum-based leadership program designed for aspiring women at the manager and early director level in their organizations.
The Womens Leadership Development Cohort is an interactive, virtual experience so women can participate from any location. The cohort program consists of six sessions.
What's the Investment?
$995 per person. Save $100 per person when you enroll 3 or more managers from the same organization. That’s only $895 per manager!
Space is limited and seats fill quickly.
What are Leaders saying?
“I'm already getting amazing feedback from the Women's Leadership Cohort participants - boundaries pushed, insights gained, potential recognized after just one session. WOW! I'm so glad you're partnering with us!” ~ Emily A., International Technology Company
To reserve your seat or seats for women who report to you, or for yourself, reach out to me via cell 612-598-6614 or at Rita@WiseLeader.net
Or register online https://www.wiseleader.net/women-managers-cohort.html
I’m happy to answer questions & help you decide how to best take advantage of this new opportunity!
Until next time,
Today I was pondering what to write about for this newsletter.
Then I looked up to see my bouquet of flowers on the corner of my desk and immediately smiled.
I heard myself sigh with a big ahhhh and I realized, those flowers keep me happy at work. I’ll write about finding little things that spark our happiness during these days of zoom and few interactions.
Last summer I made a point of picking a few fresh flowers every couple of days from my backyard flower gardens and putting them in a small vase on my desk.
Then I noticed that throughout the day I look at that little vase of flowers countless times. It always makes smile and brings a positive lift to whatever mood I’m feeling.
When I’m thinking about what to write, like I’m doing right now, I look up to collect my thoughts, and I see my flowers.
When I’m listening to a zoom webinar, I look over at my flowers…and smile.
When I get up from my desk to take a break, I see my flowers…and feel gratitude for their beauty.
So simple yet so powerful.
Now that we’re in the thick of winter and it’s cold and snowy outside, I don’t have the luxury of selecting flowers from my garden. But I do have Trader Joe’s!
I make a weekly trip to choose my flowers from the Trader Joe’s buckets of bouquets.
Truth be told, sometimes I go twice in a week just because it’s so much fun to search the buckets for just the right bouquet.
This week I bought a hyacinth bulb in a vase of water. Watching it grow a tiny bit every day, turning the vase so my hyacinth grows straight and waiting for it to bloom is as close to my own flower garden as I can get right now.
What do you have in your work space that brings a smile of joy to your face when you look at it?
If your answer to that question is nothing, it’s time to find something. The days are too long and so is the winter to not have something you love, easily within your site.
And a quick, guaranteed mood boost really is a lovely thing.
Let me know what little thing makes you consistently happy at work!
Until next time,
We get used to using certain words without giving them much thought.
Today I want to talk to you about the power of choosing one word to be your north star for our new year of 2021.
Every year my church does a year end meditation to help us find our one word to guide us into the new year.
Until today, I always thought that exercise was a “church thing.”
I recently received two business email communications that talked about the One Word idea.
This morning I decided to try out the One Word idea in a business setting.
I was leading the January coffee conversation with a group of women through the international organization called Ellevate that connects and supports women as they make their professional contribution and impact in the world.
After the introductions I talked about choosing a one word for the year that would guide us and move us into the next step of who we want to become.
I shared with them that this is a word that moves us, feels inspiring, inviting and promotes positive energy.
Here are some of the words we came up with and our definitions of what they feel like:
Openness. A willingness to accept new things and be open to everything that is going on. Little to no resistance, especially to things we can’t control.
Expansion. Gave us a feeling of optimism and hopefulness; a complement to openness.
Encourage. A word for ourselves and especially our school age children to keep going and trust in our abilities.
Balance. To reflect on all the areas of our lives and fluidly move with them instead of rushing to get through our to do list.
Connection. The intention of receiving positivity and energy to move forward.
Ease. We discovered that ease felt a bit foreign to us and we could have a resistance to ease because we are so used to working hard to get things done. Although we sure like the idea of living with more of it!
As I told the group this morning, feel free to take any of the words we came up with and claim them as your own.
Our one-word conversation got us all started and playing around with the feel and essence of what kind of one word could serve as our 2021 north star.
Now it’s your turn.
Tell me, what one word speaks to you for 2021?
Until next time,
It’s been a year of upheaval. No doubt about it.
My heart aches for the losses that have occurred.
At the same time, I find myself encouraged by the much-needed conversations that are starting to happen, actions for change being taken and the resilience of our collective human spirit.
I’m especially grateful for the referrals you made and all the new clients I’ve had the privilege to work with. Thank you to all of you who recommended WiseLeader programs to your friends and colleagues.
Being able to contribute everything I’ve learned over these past 20+ years and see the growth that happens when women leaders have a safe place to share their experiences while creating careers that are significant and satisfying is inspiring.
My 2020 pride and joy is the launch of the Womens Leadership Development Cohort for managers.
Twenty-four mid-level managers are graduating from the program. It’s receiving high marks for helping women managers increase their confidence, build their network and most of all, know that they are not alone.
They are courageously taking the next steps in their careers.
In 2021 there will be a cohort offering every quarter of the year. It makes me so very happy to see how much the participants learn and grow over a period of three months.
So, as we think ahead to 2021, my dear friends, what’s possible for you and women leaders around you?
Don’t go it alone.
Decide what you want in your career. Bring the best of who you are to the table. And make the contribution that you are designed to make.
Join us as we work together to have more women leading and contributing their authentic perspectives to our organizations and our world.
Ways to connect with me in 2021:
Womens Leadership Development Cohort for Managers
Learn the key elements of being a successful woman leader within a network of like-minded women managers taking next steps in their careers. This program is receiving rave reviews.
Executive Womens Change Leadership Roundtable
A confidential space for women at the VP and Director level to take time out each month to reflect on leading change, implementing strategy and retaining/developing talent. The 2021 membership year kicks off in April.
Next Level 1:1 Executive Coaching
Learn and grow in your own unique leadership areas with the wise guidance of a seasoned executive coach by your side.
Land a Job You'll Love
A refreshing and insightful approach to getting a new job.
Leadership Development Working Sessions for Teams
Team coaching for leaders and their teams who want to have a bigger, more systemic impact with all stakeholders, while developing competencies as leaders in their organizations.
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” -Deepak Chopra
Do I want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future?
I'd much prefer being a pioneer of the future.
To do that, I’ve got to give up reacting to situations and make a commitment to respond instead.
We are a lot like frogs in hot water these days.
When a frog is put into a pot of water that is already boiling, it will jump out immediately.
Put that same frog in a cold pot of water and turn up the heat and he will stay there a lot longer.
I don’t need to remind you of all the ways our emotional water could be reaching the boiling point. And that jumping out seems impossible.
It often feels like our emotional heat is going up and up. When that happens our natural ability to respond rather than react goes down.
And yet as leaders, responding rather than reacting is one of the most important things we can do, not only for ourselves, but more importantly for those around us at work and at home.
So how to respond when it would be a lot easier to react?
First of all, remember the difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is a knee-jerk with little or no thought given to the mess your reaction might create.
The mess reacting creates means we have to go back and clean things up later on. That takes more time and energy and adds stress to our already busy lives.
Taking a moment in any situation to PAUSE…breathe… and calmly respond puts us in a place where we can be thoughtful and take actions that will further our agenda and grow our relationships.
When we take that moment to pause and think, our confidence in being able to manage our emotions no matter what grows.
Since emotions are contagious, whoever we are interacting with gets a chance to pause as well and catch the more pleasant emotion we are exhibiting.
We lower the emotional temperature. We create a more positive environment and we deepen the trust in our relationships.
The chance of having a positive outcome from our interaction goes way up.
No mess to clean up. More time to do the things that matter. And a feeling of satisfaction all become possible.
I’m not saying this is easy. And by all means don’t expect perfection.
I am saying that reminding yourself to respond has more benefits than we usually realize in the moment.
With practice it becomes second nature.
Before long you’ll find yourself recognizing the emotional hot water earlier and jumping out sooner by taking a moment to craft a response that serves everyone so much better.
Marc Bracket, Ph.D, author of Permission to Feel has a youtube video that takes this idea even further. He lays out easy to use, in the moment exercises and strategies that support what I'm sharing in this newsletter. Well worth the time to watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lGbb_DRXmU
Women Managers Leadership Cohort which kicks off Jan 13, 2021
For those of you looking ahead for development opportunities in 2021, registration is now open for the next Women Managers Leadership Cohort which kicks off Jan 13, 2021.
The cohorts fill quickly. Reach out for more information or to enroll. 612-598-6614
Until next time,
"Leadership is a series of behaviors rather than a role for heroes." Margaret Wheatley
As a leader at work you may be wondering how to navigate political conversations, especially with this year’s election.
It’s possible we may not know the outcome of the election on election day.
And even when we do know the outcome, there’s a good chance that emotions will run high regardless of who our next president is.
So how to handle those conversations in the work environment?
We talked about this issue in last week's Executive Womens Change Leadership Roundtable.
While I’m not a legal expert, there are legal ramifications about these conversations you should be aware of.
Both employers and employees often share the misconception that the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution guarantees freedom of speech and therefore gives employees the right to talk politics at work. Not so!
The First Amendment generally does not apply to private employers. And it does not restrict private employer’s ability to curtail political speech in the workplace.
One of the things we talked about is that the chat function in zoom is considered an extension of the work place so the same policies about political conversations at work apply to zoom chat. It’s easy to overlook that because the chat is such an informal way of communicating.
It’s a good idea to review your organization’s policies around conversations that that can be emotionally charged. There’s no shortage of emotionally charged topics this year with social unrest, supreme court cases, racial justice, mask mandates for Covid-19, and climate change just to name a few.
As the attorney in our Roundtable said, “It’s best to stop political conversations at work in their tracks. Once those conversations get started, it’s much harder to get them to stop.”
For more information, take a look at this article by the law firm of FMJ: The Great Divide in 2020: How Employers Should Manage Political Conversations in the Workplace https://www.fmjlaw.com/employers-political-conversations-workplace/
According to the attorneys at FMJ “Thoughtfully crafted policies that are enforced objectively can greatly reduce the risk of political activities disrupting business operations or leading to workplace conflicts.”
If you need assistance in creating these policies or would like your current policies reviewed, contact Natolie Hochhausen at email@example.com or Shannon McDonough at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time,
I love it when great ideas come together!
I’ve been noodling on a way to work with women managers for quite some time.
I could see there was a group of women who needed the information I was teaching to my coaching clients as well as the Executive women members of my Roundtable; but I wasn’t sure how to find a cost-effective way to reach them.
I knew they didn’t have the development budgets that executives have.
The pandemic actually gave me the kick in the butt I needed to finally figure it out.
Because of the pandemic, I’ve had to get good at using the technology to work online.
That gave me the confidence and the insight to create a zoom based program.
I designed a pilot cohort leadership development program that has 6 sessions over a period of 3 months. I can offer the program every quarter so organizations can enroll women managers at four different times during the year.
The "Women Managers Leadership Develop Cohort" launched last week.
Twenty-four amazing women are enrolled.
It has been delightful to feel their enthusiasm for learning and participating. There was a deep sense of gratitude on their part for being included in the cohort.
They are finding ways to virtually network and get to know each other.
And I’m having so much fun giving them information about how women lead and putting them into small groups to process and apply the information to their own situations.
We do our second session next week.
I can’t wait to talk with them about our next topic, Emotional Intelligence!
I’m currently enrolling women managers in the 2021 Q1 Cohort, which starts in January.
If you have women managers who report to you and would be good candidates for the development opportunity the cohort offers, please reach out to me.
You’ll be glad you did and they will be appreciative for the opportunity to grow and develop as leaders.
Until next time,
In our Executive Change Leadership Roundtable recently, overwhelm was a common theme.
Roundtable members were dealing with 2021 budgeting frustrations, the balancing of staying informed with feeling emotionally hijacked by the news, helping kids doing distance learning and being cooped up working from home.
We talked a lot about how easy it is to get entangled in the revved-up world we live in these days.
Then I remembered what I diligently started working on a couple years ago.
It was the power of calm.
I deliberately decided I was not going to work from a place of angst and being as revved-up as the world is.
Up until then, I always thought that having that ramped up buzzy type feeling was needed to get things done. And that to be successful I’d need a type A personality.
I made a commitment that I was going to work from a place of calm and that as soon as I noticed the angst and buzzy feeling, I would immediately stop, breath and get grounded.
I have my grandmothers rocking chair in the corner of my home office, so I would go to the chair, sit down and rock and breathe until my calm returned.
I started to notice that I might have been all tensed up about emails I needed to send or a phone calls I needed to make. And after taking my calming break and coming back to my laptop, nine times out of ten, the people I needed to email had already emailed me, or the people I needed to call had already left a voicemail.
The first few times this happened, I thought it was a fluke. But it started happening a lot.
I started to pay attention.
I also read information that said when we’re emotionally charged, we don’t have access to the creative problem-solving part of our brain.
It dawned on me that when I let myself get all charged up about something, I was actually making it harder for the part of my brain that could help me, to do its work.
I decided right then and there that I was not going to make life harder for myself by emotionally hi-jacking the part of my brain that could do me the most good.
Over time, my body got accustomed to being calm most of the time. If that old buzzy feeling started to show up, I actually became uncomfortable.
That was a pleasant surprise.
These days calmness is a way of life for me.
And I’m deeply grateful for my commitment to a calmer way of living.
As leaders living and leading from a place of calm is helpful on more levels than I can name here. Give it a try.
If you’d like to learn more, reach out to me. Or join our Emotional Intelligence Friday afternoon practice group.
I’m here to help.
Until next time,
As women, we are notorious for taking care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves.
Holidays and winter will be here before we know it.
Given the unending crises and stresses of 2020, this year especially, you've got to take good care of yourself.
For those of you who may be hesitating, you have full permission to put yourself first!
If putting yourself first feels like too big of a stretch, at least put yourself near the top.
This is the year to give yourself permission to let some things drop.
Your health and well-being are way more important than getting through your to-do list.
My dear friend and colleague Sue Hawks at YESS! Recently sent out a list of self-care activities and how they relate to the science of the chemicals our body needs especially with the upcoming darkness of winter.
With her permission I’ll share them here.
There’s a science to giving your body the chemicals it needs during the darkness of winter and the isolation of a pandemic.
Try some of these simple practices to combat the challenges of the season ahead and experience more happiness and well-being.
To feel rewarded (giving yourself a shot of dopamine-- don’t get on any device---you can get a dopamine hit that way, but you also can increase your stress—don’t do it!)
To feel love (giving yourself a shot of oxytocin)
To stabilize your mood (giving yourself a shot of serotonin)
To strop pain (giving yourself a shot of endorphins)
If you prefer video you can see and hear Sue Hawks (and watch this corresponding video for more information)
Keep this list handy. It can help you figure out which chemical your body needs more of at any given time.
Remember I am here to support you in your leadership endeavors and in taking the best possible care of you as you can.
Reach out at any time!
Until next time,
Emotional Intelligence and feeling my emotions is hard for me.
Hard as it is, I've been trying to improve.
I have my "Permission to Feel" log on the corner of my desk. For the first few days I was pretty good about noting my feelings and logging my reactions.
Yesterday I found it under a pile of papers and realized I have not even thought about it in more than 10 days. Ooops!
Last night I decided I would make a concerted effort to pay attention to how I was feeling.
I applied the RULER approach recommended by Marc Brackett, PhD and author of the book Permission to Feel: The power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success.
Here’s what I did.
Recognize—I tried to focus on what I was feeling. Marc says our feelings are like a continuous river flowing through us. I knew I must be feeling something.
Understand—I was tired from the day and was watching TV.
Label—I knew I was feeling low energy and slightly uncomfortable. I landed on bored in the Mood Meter.
Express—Didn’t quite know how to do this, unless sitting slouched in my recliner counts.
Regulate—I ended up in the kitchen eating chips. I’m pretty sure this would qualify as an ineffective way to regulate my emotions.
Realizing I was feeling bored was helpful.
My next step is to figure out an effective way to regulate boredom, especially at the end of the day.
We live in a society that worships our logical, rational, thinking minds with very little awareness or training on managing our emotions.
Without the emotional awareness skills, our rational thinking gets hi-jacked pretty quickly. I know eating chips at night is not a good idea. But that emotion of boredom took over. In that moment, my rational thinking was nowhere to be found.
That's why I can’t wait for the start of our Emotional Intelligence "practice group" (no cost)! As you can see, I have skills that need building.
If you have experiences like this, come join us.
The Emotional Intelligence practice group kicks off on Friday, October 2
from 3-4 pm CST.
Men and women at all levels of emotional intelligence are welcome. You don’t need to read the book, although it is insightful. All you need is a willingness to learn and practice.
Reach out to me for the zoom link if you are interested in practicing with us. Rita@wiseleader.net
Until next time,
"Everyone needs emotional intelligence
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